What really matters?

I keep making the same mistake. In June I registered for the Walt Disney World Half Marathon in January 2023. I have done it twice before, and each time, have vowed never to run another marathon again. To the point of throwing all my running clothes into the hotel garbage so I am never tempted again. And yet, here I am, late November, 25 degrees outside, trying to figure out a route for the 16 miles I have to try and manage tomorrow morning.

Yesterday, I had a 6 mile training run and because of the Thanksgiving holiday, something different happened: I ran out of things to listen to. Normally, I have a list of podcasts that make perfect running entertainment, something to keep my mind busy for 2+ hours on a training run. But yesterday I had only 2: An 1.5 hour Ezra Klein interview about why reading is important or an 1.25 hour “Bad Takes” podcast to listen to reporters argue about whether Sam Bankman-Fried is evil or well-intentioned.

I got about two miles in and switched off the SBF nonesense for the Ezra Klein option. But after about 5 minutes, I had the thought, “is this the best way to be spending my hour?” I had an hour to myself to consume something, and is the self-reverential, lefty red (blue?) meat the best thing to consume?

And then I immediately thought about what matters most right now? It felt so arrogant to be debating such minor, fleeting issues. I swear I have listened to 8 podcasts about SBF in the last two weeks. I get it. And yes, Ezra, reading is good. I am bad at it. You are good at it. I don’t need another reason to feel inferior to Ezra Klein (who I believe I am the same age as?)

So put on music. I never run to music. But for the first time in this entire training process, I enjoyed the time. I got faster. I smiled, flying down a big hill. And I got home to my family as quick as I could because I promised to put the lights up on the house. My point is this: sometimes the selfish choice allows us to think about anything but ourselves. It took me out of the realm of existential dread, judgement and comparison, and put me back in my own head to focus on priorities.

Marathon training still is miserable. Finishing them is great. Everything up until that point feels selfish and hard. But I believe it is incredibly important to take some time every couple years to remind yourself, “I can do hard things.” And that matters.

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